Kids Safe Journal

Keeping Kids Safe Ministries has teamed up with your church to help keep kids safe. It is hard to imagine that there are more hidden church member offenders than there are churches.

Keeping Kids Safe Ministries is a ministry team of Christian experts from the sex offender management field designed to keep kids safe at churches. We serve by working with church youth workers to train them to identify and deal with suspicious behaviors, how to avoid false accusations, and build communication skills to avoid misunderstandings between a youth worker and a teen/child. This training is ongoing using training materials from actual church sexual abuse cases.

A church youth worker is better prepared to deal with any situation if the worker is allowed to practice and rehearse situations before they occur. The goal is to use real sexual abuse cases and develop the cases into practice scenarios. The practice scenarios are used as ongoing training so a church can be skilled at dealing with boundary violations and suspicious behaviors.

Will questioning suspicious behaviors increase false accusations of innocent church members?

Not likely. Our training for church youth workers is ongoing using sexual abuse cases, and practice sessions include false accusation scenarios and boundary awareness scenarios. If your church has 50 church youth workers, it means you have 50 workers skilled at avoiding false accusations, decreasing boundary violations and questioning suspicious behaviors. The practice sessions are user-friendly, ongoing, and completed at the youth worker's home.

The goal for an entire church is to create an environment where the congregation is looking out for each other to avoid false accusations. Example: A Sunday school teacher is reading a story with a toddler on his lap. A trained youth worker would explain to the Sunday school teacher: I want to help you avoid a false accusation or a misunderstanding. It would be better to read the story with the boy on a chair. If a church has created a safe church environment, the response from the Sunday school teacher will be of gratitude and not defensiveness. Why will this Sunday school teacher be grateful and not defensive? That Sunday school teacher would have received many practice sessions on boundary awareness from ongoing training.

Please sign the back of your training materials to indicate you have read all materials and return to your youth director.

We would appreciate feedback or comments about our training materials. We appreciate the time you serve in youth ministry!

In His service

Greg Sporer & Steve Vann

A quote from a church member sexual offender

"There were all kinds of suspicious behaviors witnessed by the congregation, but they would dismiss it or excuse my behaviors because their perception of a sexual offender was some one who preys on kids and who is not a Christian. I was a respected Christian leader and I had many other positive qualities. Why would the congregation think I was a sexual offender? Congregations are naive. They are so ready trust."

It is sad that thousands of children are abused each year even with a trail of warning signs, red flags, and multiple boundary violations on display for the congregation to observe and take action on, but church leaders and parents will dismiss or deny the behaviors.

Boundary Awareness Scenes

You are a chaperone for the church youth group at a Christian concert. You observe one of your junior high girls is missing and you find her later making out with an older teen boy. The junior high girl begs you not to report this incident to her parents because her parents will beat her.

A. I would confront her and put the fear of God in her, but not report anything to her parents. You fear that her parents maybe abusive.

B. I would let her know that I must report this to her parents because her parents have a need to know.

C. I would try to ask her more questions to gain an understanding about her parents. Perhaps the girl is fearful for a reason and needs my protection.

D. I would tell the girl that I would make a deal with her. If she agrees to give up this relationship with this older teen boy, then I would not tell her parents.

Your church is having a lock-in with games and movies all night long for the youth group. It is an outreach program to invite kids that would normally not attend church. The word of mouth for this event has been so successful that your church is having problems finding enough adults to chaperones this youth event. A few parents who do not attend your church have volunteered to be chaperone.

A. You are desperate and you are willing to take any volunteer to supervise kids.

B. You decline the non-church member's help and use the few adult volunteers that signed up for the event.

C. You decide to cancel the event due to lack of adult support.

D. You accept any adult volunteer if they are willing to be screened by using the sex offender registry.

You are working in the church nursery and you observe a young baby with more severe diaper rash than last week. The young father picks up his daughter and you mention the diaper rash is looking worse compared to last week. The frustrated father responds by stating he sat with his daughter for two hours waiting to be seen at the free clinic. He states he is worried about losing his job because he has missed work having to take care of his daughter. You are concerned for this family because there are rumors that the mother of the baby is on drugs.

A. You believe his daughter is being neglected and child protection services should be called.

B. You believe the right thing to do is show compassion for this stressed out father and you offer help for this family.

C. You believe a pastor should be notified about his this family to follow-up with help.

D. You believe nothing should be done. It is normal for a baby to have diaper rash and these days sitting in a doctor's office for 2 hours at a free clinic is normal. Let Go and Let God! If this father wants help he can ask for it.

You are upset at a youth ministry worker for patting the behind of a 14-year-old girl when she spikes the ball in church volleyball game. The rest of the team celebrates with high fives.

A: After the game, you decide to talk with the youth ministry worker about his inappropriate behavior.

B. You ignore it because the youth ministry worker is just celebrating. In sports it is normal behavior to pat the behind of the person for doing well. Football players do it all the time.

C. You ask your friends to pray for you as you decide how to handle this.

D. You tell the youth pastor.

Sexual abuse case

Please read the following sexual abuse case. Your church can prevent sexual abuse by learning from this case. Please write the answers to the questions on the last page of the KidSafe Journal. Your answers may provide feedback to help your church leaders prevent problems turning into a church crisis.

A deacon molested children for 20 years, as young as 5. His oldest victim was 16.

Most of his victims had a single parent. As a deacon, he was overly helpful to single parent moms which led to gaining access to their kids. The deacon was loved by his church for his unselfish devotion and commitment to serve single parents. Parents reported that this deacon was overly friendly to the victims by hugging/kissing them and the kids called him Uncle Bob. This deacon revealed suspicious behaviors and he was caught in numerous lies, but his behavior was excused due to his claim that he had the beginning stages of Alzheimer's.

Questions for church youth workers:

Are there volunteers at your church that are overly depended on to meet a ministry need?

Some volunteers believe they are stuck in a ministry position because there is nobody to replace them. How can your church avoid staff or volunteers from becoming overly dependent in their ministry position?

Do all your church volunteers have clear expectations for physical boundaries or appropriate physical contact at your church?

How can you improve compliance for proper physical boundaries with staff and volunteers who work with youth?

False Accusation Scene

A mother picks up her child from the nursery and observes a youth worker with his hands up a 2-year-old girl's dress. He turns around and notices the worried look on the mother's face. He quickly tries to explain why he had his hands up the girl's dress, but he is tongue-tied and doesn't make much sense.

The worried mother goes home and calls all her church friends and describes what she observed this morning in the nursery. Her friends tell her she needs to call the pastor and report this molester.

Prior to the Sunday evening church service, the entire church is aware of the incident and the pastor is amazed at how fast the gossip spread.

At the evening service, the youth worker addresses what happened in the nursery. He stated he was serving with his wife in the nursery until his wife became ill and he told her to go home. He stated a 2-year-old-girl came out of the bathroom with her white tights rolled up underneath her pull-up diapers. He stated he had a great difficulty untangling the rolled up tights caught in the diaper. He was trying to help this little girl without looking under her dress so he had his hands underneath the dress trying to untangle the mess. He stated he was caught in an awkward position when a mother came to pick up her child. He tried to explain what happened, but the situation looked bad in spite of his explanation.

This situation ended nicely. The false accusation was cleared up in the same day. Some false accusations end up on the local news.

What could the worried mother have done differently rather than making phone calls to her church friends?

What could the youth worker have done differently to avoid the false accusation?

Possible solutions

There are many solutions to the above scenarios. We have listed some solutions in bold, but you may have solutions that may work just as good. Please share your solutions on your feedback sheet on the last page.

Boundary Scenario one: You are a chaperone for the church youth group at a Christian concert.

A. I would confront her and put the fear of God in her, but not report anything to her parents. You fear that her parents maybe abusive.

Confronting the youth's behavior is appropriate. Parents have a right to know about their child's behavior.

B. I would let her know that I must report this to her parents because her parents have a need to know.

Good solution!

C. I would try to ask her more questions to gain an understanding about her parents. Perhaps the girl is fearful for a reason and needs my protection.

A child needs to be listened too. Perhaps she is in danger or she maybe trying to get out of trouble with her parents. As a youth worker you can be a good listener. If you believe she is in danger, consult with church leadership before making a decision.

D. I would tell the girl that I would make a deal with her. If she agrees to give up this relationship with this older teen boy, then I would not tell her parents.

As a youth worker, it would be a boundary violation to take on a parental role by making a deal with this youth.

Boundary scenario two: Your church is having a lock-in with games and movies all night long for the youth group.

A. You are desperate and you are willing to take any volunteer to supervise kids.

This solution could place the church in jeopardy if you do not know your volunteers. Sex offenders know churches are desperate for volunteers. Some churches make the assumption that if there are many adults supervising, nothing will happen. A child may not be harmed, but a media story about your church allowing a registered sex offender to volunteer harms your church reputation.

B. You decline the non-church member's help and use the few adult volunteers that signed up for the event.

This solution is better than A, but not enough supervision can lead to liability issues if there is an incident or accident.

C. You decide to cancel the event due to lack of adult support.

It is always disappointing to cancel an event due to lack of adult volunteers. This option is not popular, but needed to protect the church. If you cancel the event it may send a message to your congregation to support children's ministry events.

D. You accept any adult volunteer if they are willing to be screened by using the sex offender registry.

It is best to not allow a volunteer to work in your church with kids until they have been a church member for six months. Screenings are a tool, but not a perfect fix because most offenders have spotless records. It is important to brief your volunteers to never be alone with a child. For this event, a volunteer supervisor should be tasked to monitor volunteers to insure adult are not alone with a child.

Boundary scenario three: You are working in the church nursery and you observe a young baby with more severe diaper rash than last week.

A. You believe his daughter is being neglected and child protection services should be called.

What Would Jesus Do? This baby maybe neglected, but Jesus would go to the heart of the matter. This family needs help and compassion. This is not a reportable child abuse or neglect case just based on diaper rash. This is an opportunity for the church to minister to young parents.

B. You believe the right thing to do is show compassion for this stressed out father and you offer help for this family.

This is a good option because it shows Jesus love through our actions.

C. You believe a pastor should be notified about this family to follow-up with help.

This is another good option especially if the pastor has some resources to help. There are times God places us in situations to minister to people. This may by one of those situations.

This is a response I'm afraid that happens to often in our churches. It is Christian apathy. We need to care, love, and help those in need. Many young parents are too ashamed at asking for help. This family needs help from the church.

Boundary Scenario Four: You are upset at a youth ministry worker for patting the behind of a 14-year-old girl when she spikes the ball in church volleyball game. The rest of the team celebrates with high fives.

A: After the game, you decide to talk with the youth ministry worker about his inappropriate behavior.

This is a good option because it is Biblically based on Mathew 18:15. The goal is to discuss this inappropriate behavior in love. Some Christians will shy away from talking about this topic to a youth ministry worker. Pray for guidance and don't allow fear to get in the way of doing what the bible tell us to do. The youth ministry worker may not be aware of his inappropriate behavior and once told about it, he may be appreciative.

B. You ignore it because the youth ministry worker is just celebrating. In sports it is normal behavior to pat the behind of the person for doing well. Football players do it all the time.

This is not a good option; we need to consider the girl's feelings because she is probably aware that everybody gets high fives except her. She may feel uncomfortable with a man touching her rear. This ministry worker needs to be confronted.

C. You ask your friends to pray for you as you decide how to handle this.

This option is an avenue to spreading gossip instead of dealing with the behavior on the spot.

D. You tell the youth pastor.

This is an option if you feel uncomfortable talking with the youth ministry worker.

False Accusation Scene

What could the worried mother have done differently rather than making phone calls to her church friends?

Our goal is to use biblical solutions based on Mathew 18. It is best to discuss in Christ love directly to the person involved in this situation. It would be best to let the youth pastor know of this situation after you discuss it with this nursery worker. Remember all youth workers are receiving the same boundary scenarios as you so they would expect direct communication and following up with the youth pastor.

What could the youth worker have done differently to avoid the false accusation?

It is best for the nursery worker to tell the youth pastor about the awkward situation he was involved in. If you are in a similar situation, please tell church leadership to avoid a false accusation from starting.

Please print name, church name, and date you have completed your Keeping Kids Safe Ministries lesson. Return it to church leadership.

Date___________

__________________________________ ________________________ Printed Name Church Name

Questions and comments:

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